I ♥ NY II

We got into JFK at Midday of Thursday and it took best part of two hours to get into Manhattan, half way there was an underpass with around two feet of water and cars had to drive over the 'sidewalk'. Just as we were going past some twat tried driving right through the middle and broke down.

Thursday afternoon consisted of brief shopping around the Square of the New York Times and a little sleep. We went to see Chicago City Limits improv show at the Broadway Comedy club. A bargain for £7.50.

Friday was the whole reason for the trip. We started off the day at a shitty restaurant called Ruthey's next to the pier and then went and hit some golf balls at Pier 59 Driving Range. I still have the blisters now.

We left the Pier in heavy rain reminiscent of that that you'd get here at the moment. We headed to Queens Mall by the airport and spent a few hours buying jeans and broccoli.

Friday night started with a dinner reservation at Caroline's, which is where the show was. From eating the lasagne I can tell the cows are fucking salty this end of the world either that or the chef was in the middle of killing a big conclave of slugs as he made my dinner.

The show featured Geno Bisconte, Jimmy Florentine and Arthur Steven Lange II. Gino was a funny dude with his racism rant and Jimmy was fantastic.

At about 8.45 Geno came back to the stage and as he thanked Jim and began the introduction of Artie the speakers filled with The Who's Baba O'Reilley. Out walked Artie to a standing ovation.

Artie began the show with 'the windmill' and did some new material about the Iron Sheik, Jeff The Drunk and Chris Rock.

Artie killed, it was amazing seeing him live. After the show we left for the bar and ordered a drink. I noticed a woman standing next to me, I don't remember how she started talking to me but before I knew it we were taking pictures with Geno Bisconte.

"Hey Joe, can I get a picture"I screamed at him
Hopefully he didn't hear or was too drunk to realise that I confused his name with a Joe Matarese, who I saw last time I was in New York.

Geno asked my name and we shook hands like proper grown-ups. Remember this later on :)

Geno told the women (whose names I never found out) were everyone from the show was going who proceeded to tell me and the guy that I was with. We left immediately to The Playwright, which is just round the corner from Caroline's and stumbled in, now very drunk.

As I stood at the bar swaying and swirling like my legs were made from slinkys' all I could see was this large figure leaving the bar in the shadows of the dimly lit bar.

"Arthur Steven Lange, Arthur Steven Lange,"I screamed like some kind of fucking nutter as I sprinted out of the bar nearly knocking three people over.

"Arthur Steven Lange, stay there"I pointed at him like an angry drunk. Maybe not the best way to approach one of your comedy heroes..

"I came from England to see you"
"Fuck off, you did not"Said Art
"No really, I paid like $800 to fly here just to see the show tonight"
"Are you coming tomorrow?"Asked Teddy whose name I couldn't even remember in my ossified state
"No it was sold out, I would have though. I've got $200 tickets to Blue Man but I'd blow that off in a second"
"We could probably get you in"The handsome Teddy mentioned
"Yeah man we'll get you in"Arthur added
"Hey Artie do you want two tickets to Blue Man tomorrow night?"I asked being a funny fucker

Now, I have an excellent memory but this is as correct as I can remember. I'm willing to bet I was an annoying drunk fuck that deserved to be punched in the face. Either way Teddy and Artie took pity on me, after I gave Teddy a business card said he'd put me on the list.

I went back into The Playwright I got pictures with Sal, Jimmy Florentine, one of the guys from Supertwink and a few with teddy. I bought a round of shots and as I handed one to Geno he started chanting my name. Literally shouting at the top of his voice, I was so honoured.

The rest of the night I accosted strangers, took pictures with them and was generally annoying. After the guy I was with left I stayed and talked to some dude with glasses. Again, no name or idea who he was, nice guy though.

The Saturday consisted of down town shopping and a thirty block stroll to Crumbs for an Artie Lange cup cake.

I walked down to Caroline's only to find that teddy had my name on the list. I owe that little chap big time, if I can actually find his myspace I'll thank him sober.

The crowd was insane on the Saturday night. A streamline of drinks made its way to the stage as Artie did the biggest shot I have ever seen. It had to be like four shots that you'd get over here.

Since I was on my own tonight I made friends with the guy that I was sitting opposite from Connecticut. I didn't find out his name (see a pattern here?) We walked of the the bar from the previous evening and he spotted Jim Florentine and he was gone. That was pretty much the last time I saw him. Before I left I went down the stairs to take a piss only to be confronted by 'Angry Black' with a woman pinned against the wall making out with her. That was startling. As I left I gave my friend from Connecticut $6 for the fried shrimp that we shared and walked outside only to see Teddy again.

We talked for a while and I got to meet a few of his friends. He seemed like a really good dude, I owe him big time.

We flew out Sunday and got back early Monday.

To this moment I've barely given a thought to the two empty seats left at Blue Man Group. Bunch of blue fruits, waaaa two patrons didn't turn up to the show waaaa.