The Day of Three Good Deeds: Billy Talent

Wednesday July 12th 2006 was a warm and sunny day outside the joke.co.uk headquarters. The air conditioning was fighting with the warm climate desperately trying to keep the temperature down. The sun was cascading in through the window, man it was a gorgeous day.
At twenty five to six I left Newbury to get back to Kingsclere and then to Gilberts house in an attempt to get to London for the Billy Talent show.

Gilberto drove us to Basingstoke train station and we finally got a direct train around seven.
When we got to Waterloo Gilbert wanted to find a cash point so went descended the escalator next to McDoogles at which point this dude stops and asks Gilbert how to get to Victoria, now, he doesnt know where hes going almost every visit we've made to London so I grabbed his Underground map as Gilberto marched over to McDoogles to buy some food.

Deed 1: I walked over to the Jubilee line barriers with my new friend as I worked out the easiest route he should take and pointed out where he had to go. He thanked me and left to buy a ticket for the underground.

As I walked back to McDoogles Gilbert was eating something that resembled a Fisher Price 'my first toy oven' product. I though he was eating a dog toy or something it looked brutal.
We travelled on the underground to Tottenham Court Road and then walked up the escalators all the way until we were on Oxford Street.

Once inside The Astoria we headed down stairs so that we could use the gentlemens facilities. I tipped the attendant about 80p and left to get a drink at the bar.

I got myself a Jack Daniels with lots of ice and some H20 and then stood next to Gilberto as we watched whatever wanky band was playing. After literally a minute or so we both noticed this woman in front of us leaning against this guy spilling water all over his bag until the point where shes fallen over and thrown the remainder in her own face. Her friend proceeded to help her up and carry her off.

Deed 2: So, I'm standing there just looking around, sipping my water and then something caught my eye when I looked down. I dragged it toward me with my clown sized foot and picked it up. It was the woman that dived face first on the floor's wallet/ purse. I palmed my drinks to Gilbert and ran after the fleeing pair and managed to return it to its owner. On the way back Gilbert hands me her cash card and provisional driving license which was also on the floor. Returning both items they thanked me.

That felt good, I just hope that if that was me someone would have done the same. Although they probably wouldnt as mine would actually have something of value it. Billy Talent came on the stage at around nine and played for an hour. This had to be one of the hottest shows that Ive ever been to. After two songs Gilbert and I headed to the front and jumped around like a pair of retards. After twenty minutes or so we were both soaked with sweat, most of it other peoples. They played Surrender from the new album which I would have enjoyed more had I not been totally annihilated. I was so tired it was unreal and I really wish that I had taken a bottle of water with me, had the show gone any longer I may have collapsed.

After the show just as everyone is turning around and heading for the exit I nearly trip up on something. My first thoughts are that someone has left a bear trap; however, it was merely some clowns belt. A fucking belt, how can you lose a belt if you're wearing it properly?

Deed 3: I start to think that, its most likely that whoever is currently belt-less will come looking for it and since it was one of those clichéd black ones with the rectangular silver metal bits on it the owner is more than likely female. I stood at the front for about three or fours minutes with Gilbert just holding the thing in the air until finally this young girl comes over to me and says:
"Where did you get the belt?" "On the floor" I reply

This is met with the ambivalent look of 'you found my belt' (lets just imagine what that could possibly be) so I hand the belt back and hug my new female friend.

Turning to Gilbert we looked at each other and I can only describe what we saw as what resembled a water fight ten years earlier. We were literally dripping with sweat it was horrible. All I said was "thats three now."

We left for the exit and got the underground back to Waterloo. Once on the train back to Basingstoke Gilbert took his soaked t-shirt off and sat there next the sliding door reading The Daily Sport bare chested.

Once the train started moving a monotone voice made an announcement over the speaker to which, in similar tone I bellowed:

"Please beware of the sweaty naked gentleman reading the paper"

I found it funny, and thats all that matters. Id already done enough to help the world that day.